CONSISTENCY


(Before I begin, I'd like to dedicate these words -yes, ALL of them - to euphoric_mania, the one who managed to get me out of this rut of inconsistency.)


Oh, hey there, blogosphere. Miss me? I sure missed you. A swift kick of irony to the gonads came in the form of my realization that the last rant I had was about my 2-month hiatus...and here I am again...back from ANOTHER 2-month hiatus. And that's the topic of the night - consistency; the ability to continually pursue a goal or idea. I'll be the first to admit that my consistency has been beaten to a pulp worse than Rihanna was by Chris Brown *studio gasp, then studio applause and laughter* (excuse me for namedropping, just trying to drive home a point). Basically, my flimflammery and inconsistent short bursts of passion have been my downfall in the past two months and currently in the present. Let's break it down in the form of a list, so the folks at home can digest this slowly *audience snickers* :

INCONSISTENCY LIST:


1. BLOGGING
2. EMPLOYMENT
3. RELIGION
4. ROMANCE 
5. FAMILIAL ROLES


See? Wasn't that comprehensive, informative, and altogether a lot easier to take in all at once? *studio murmurs* Settle down, settle down. Let's get into these topics with a bit more detail, shall we? Now for my serious voice that you can easily denote by the italics. So, List Item #1: Blogging. Well, if you didn't read the first paragraph by now, I suggest you do so. *throws cue card aside, disdainfully* Item # 2: Employment. OOH, here's a sticky one. So as it turns out, being a 19 year-old male in New York City during the summertime means you have a very slim chance of procuring a job of your own. Maybe I'm just the outlier in this situation, but nonetheless, I've reaped no rewards of employment from the seeds that I've sown so far. Guess why that is? *audience yells out "Why's that, Jay?" in unison* BECAUSE OF MY LACK OF CONSISTENCY. See? I managed to bring the topic full circle. My indifference and downright lack of effort to find a job have all but prevented me from securing one by now. But fret not, I've recently given myself a very stern talking to, and it's all still a work in progress. Fingers crossed on that one.


Item #3: Religion. Sticky, sticky, sticky sitch we've got going on here, ladies and germs. I won't get into this one completely, as I do intend to use it as a later jump-off point for a future late-night, oxygen-intoxicated rant, but what I can say is that I've been inconsistent about my faith, but I'm slowly on a road to recovery. Item #4: Romance. *audience "OOOOOOH" 's*  Admittedly, this is where I often fall short and flop like a trout. I, a man who I believe is one of much romantic passion and fervor, am inconsistent to my pursuits because I overanalyze, look for flaws, or outright just catch cold feet (mostly the latter). And for once in my life, I think the availability of options has led to  my analysis paralysis. There are actually females (yes, plural) who might be able to fit the mold of someone with whom I could share a special bond. And to be impartial, I feel like I might be sending a few of them the wrong messages with some of my gestures and my natural knack for speaking kindly. 
As of the very moment I am typing this finally-consistent smattering of words via my stream of consciousness, if you were to ask me who I wish my heart belonged to, only one face comes to mind.
The very same face I hope to pursue when the Fall Quarter commences. Sometimes I hate that I have this overdependency with love; I don't want it to define me, but I haven't gotten sleep in days because I lay awake and imagine these grandiose romantic situations, and they only end up making me want romance more. I suppose the smart thing to do is let time and "fate" sort it out (note my use quotation marks). 


And lastly, we have Item #5: Familial Roles. As insufferable as the Procreator is, and is bitter as it is to have these words escape my virtual mouth, I am also to blame for my current standing as a son. I've made promises to try to work WITH her, rather than against her, and *chokes back words* as hard it is to admit, even though she has been inconsistent with holding up the end of her bargain, that doesn't give me an excuse to do the same. I know things will never be ideal between us, but that doesn't mean things can't be a little more TOLERABLE, right? RIGHT? Ugh. I'll sleep on that one.
And in lieu of this newfound drive to be consistent, I hope to inform you folks in a more consist manner. But for now, I have some Z's to collect.