MODERATION:
(First and foremost, I'd like to amend one of my initial statements for this blog - a post might not be up on the daily, but rather, as often as I find something to rant about. This rids me of the guilt of not posting anything for a couple of days because of writer's block or sheer laziness.)
In this virtual era of lightspeed lifestyles and constant consumption, I can say without a doubt that the days of moderation are far behind us. People are becoming less and less edified in the art of being temperant. Today's standards follows a pseudo-Coldstone Creamery set of terms like "want it", "need it," and "gotta have it." There's such an emphasis on instant gratification that we've come to depreciate the value of what we already have, and rather focus on the next big thing. I attribute this to a depletion of moderation practice. So few can say that they are able to restrain themselves from their impulses. Nowadays, you see twelve-year olds with iPhones and iPads. And while we can blame the parents for introducing their preteen with such addicting technology, we also have the current mindset of our era to blame. I suppose it's just one of the repercussions of The Digital Age. We grow increasingly more attached to our belongings in a true Huxleyan fashion, to the point where I've seen folks at restaurants avoid conversation by incessantly texting with their phones.
Aside from the technological spin on moderation, I've recently been suffocate by its absence in a verbal sense. Allow me to explain - some friends are needy. Too needy. Needy to the point where they need to be conversationally maintained on a day in, day out basis. I resent that notion greatly. As good as a friend as I am, nobody enjoys conversational overload. In short, I've been pestered every day for the past nine days via Facebook. Heck, I don't even chat up my best friends the way we've been communicating. And what irks me is that the topics are always the same, and my responses become shorter and shorter as my attention span depletes. I have no problem with said friend in person, but he virtually, he requires too much attention. Speak IN MODERATION. It's the summer; you should be out doing things of your own. And it's an inevitability that you'll run out of things to talk about when you're constantly in contact with someone. It's like a married couple who just so happens to work at the same place - they have little to talk about when they get home, because they already know everything that went on in the other's day. You have to give people some time to miss you, I believe. Otherwise, conversations run drier than Sarah Palin doing stand-up. Furthermore, my previous take on technological moderation also comes into play with this predicament - Facebook now allows you to see if the person has read your message, which I find invasive and annoying, to be honest. Due to the ever-present urge to stay relevant with what others are doing and writing on Facebook, I find myself losing practice of moderation, as I impulsively give in to the modern notion, which leads to me being spotted, then chatted off a cliff. There's always the option of blocking him, but he'd notice and be very offended. Oh, well, you can't please 'em all, right? I'll have to exercise that thought with much moderation.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
LUCK:
Oh, what luck. You just so happened to catch me on the day of our nation's bad luck. Friday the 13th (hold for eerie music). I've had a 9-day long blogger's block, which is unusual because my haitus..es (I suppose that's how you'd pluralize that; haiti would be odd, because it's spelled just like Haiti. I digress.) are usually caused by my general complacency that swarms over me in a gentle summer breeze. This time around, the hiatus was caused strictly by a lack of material, which I find perpetually perturbing, seeing how my mind blabbers on at 1000 miles per hour. Luckily, (see how it keeps working its way into the conversation?) I figured today's focus was a perfect jumping-off point for discussion. Today is a good opportunity to recap my luck as of lately and wholly.
Lately, my luck has been a wishy-washy tumble of mostly bad luck met with glimpses of good luck. On the bad luck spectrum, we have: has not yielded any results involving employment AT ALL this summer, friends have consistently bailed on plans, hasn't seen a gig in weeks (I'm starving for some noise), and has frozen up every time I have an opportunity to talk to Her. Conversely, on the Good Luck spectrum we have: managed to secure my stay in Maryland for Otakon, fixed Fall Quarter schedule mishap, has a surplus of money in his college account after finally making all the right moves, has wonderful friends that keep me sane, has a boatload of exciting media (games, shows, movies) keeping me entertained in the meantime, and has been cranking out a lot of good lyrics in the songwriting department.
Wholly, however, optimistic claims of luck tend to clash with the cynical. On the Bad Luck spectrum, we have: father ran off before I was ever born, is born from a mother who was abused by said runaway and became viciously hostile to all life forms and cares only of herself, born into a dirt poor family, has endured several years of physical/emotional/psychological abuse, and had a monumental dark day on my 15th birthday that forever changed my life. On the up-and-flipside: I am a fully-functional human being born on the planet Earth and gets to live in the 21st century. Honestly, people tend to overlook this omnipertinent fact - you could've been born a single-cell organism in a different galaxy, in which you have no sentient thought process, or life activity except for internally. I live in a day and age of unparalleled tolerance, (in comparison to prior ages; we still have a vast number of things that folks are intolerant of) freedom, mobility, open source usage, and access to technology that our forefathers would have never conceived possible. We're exposed to millions of different foods, musics, walks of life, cultures, languages, and for the most part, we've come to a point in humanity where we can meet a stranger from just about anywhere in the world and bear little hostility (again, for the most part). There are innumerous facets of luck that I have failed to mention, but this overarching, all-powerful fact remains what I feel I am most lucky to possess. As flawed as society may be nowadays, it is the apex of civilization in terms of communication and progress. And I couldn't be luckier.
Oh, what luck. You just so happened to catch me on the day of our nation's bad luck. Friday the 13th (hold for eerie music). I've had a 9-day long blogger's block, which is unusual because my haitus..es (I suppose that's how you'd pluralize that; haiti would be odd, because it's spelled just like Haiti. I digress.) are usually caused by my general complacency that swarms over me in a gentle summer breeze. This time around, the hiatus was caused strictly by a lack of material, which I find perpetually perturbing, seeing how my mind blabbers on at 1000 miles per hour. Luckily, (see how it keeps working its way into the conversation?) I figured today's focus was a perfect jumping-off point for discussion. Today is a good opportunity to recap my luck as of lately and wholly.
Lately, my luck has been a wishy-washy tumble of mostly bad luck met with glimpses of good luck. On the bad luck spectrum, we have: has not yielded any results involving employment AT ALL this summer, friends have consistently bailed on plans, hasn't seen a gig in weeks (I'm starving for some noise), and has frozen up every time I have an opportunity to talk to Her. Conversely, on the Good Luck spectrum we have: managed to secure my stay in Maryland for Otakon, fixed Fall Quarter schedule mishap, has a surplus of money in his college account after finally making all the right moves, has wonderful friends that keep me sane, has a boatload of exciting media (games, shows, movies) keeping me entertained in the meantime, and has been cranking out a lot of good lyrics in the songwriting department.
Wholly, however, optimistic claims of luck tend to clash with the cynical. On the Bad Luck spectrum, we have: father ran off before I was ever born, is born from a mother who was abused by said runaway and became viciously hostile to all life forms and cares only of herself, born into a dirt poor family, has endured several years of physical/emotional/psychological abuse, and had a monumental dark day on my 15th birthday that forever changed my life. On the up-and-flipside: I am a fully-functional human being born on the planet Earth and gets to live in the 21st century. Honestly, people tend to overlook this omnipertinent fact - you could've been born a single-cell organism in a different galaxy, in which you have no sentient thought process, or life activity except for internally. I live in a day and age of unparalleled tolerance, (in comparison to prior ages; we still have a vast number of things that folks are intolerant of) freedom, mobility, open source usage, and access to technology that our forefathers would have never conceived possible. We're exposed to millions of different foods, musics, walks of life, cultures, languages, and for the most part, we've come to a point in humanity where we can meet a stranger from just about anywhere in the world and bear little hostility (again, for the most part). There are innumerous facets of luck that I have failed to mention, but this overarching, all-powerful fact remains what I feel I am most lucky to possess. As flawed as society may be nowadays, it is the apex of civilization in terms of communication and progress. And I couldn't be luckier.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
PLANS:
Plans. We all have them. Why, even on this day of our nation's independence a fond 236 years ago, our forefathers surely had some plan of attack to overthrow their oppressors successfully. Why then, is it the case that I seemingly have no active blueprint, no premeditated, currently-scribed path of which to follow at this point? My summer has gone nothing like I had originally planned; everyone has been up to their agenda, I'm gig-deprived, and currently STILL unemployed. I didn't have any plans today, a day of merriment and pride in our country. In fact, I stayed inside and watched Star Wars on Spike all day long. (The tagline was "May the Fourth be with you," I couldn't resist.) It's high tide July and I'm not nearly anywhere I thought I'd be at this point. And I take full responsibility for the fact that the blame is all my own. I half-expected the summer to unfold easily, and for opportunities to just fall in my lap, but that's not the way the real world works. And the magnitude of that reality is hitting me full force.
In the meantime, while my nighttime perception is in overdrive, I might as well virtually write a tentative checklist of things to complete this summer and the following quarter:
-Instantiate an exercise regimen
-Seek and OBTAIN employment
-Practice my bass-playing
-Go to Otakon (awesome nerd convention in Maryland that really banks on me having a job by then)
-Undergo preliminary coding training, since I've missed out on so much in my absence, and I'm a complete scrub
-Make it to Shark Field Day in Camden, New Jersey with Emilia and the ladies
-Man up and take the necessary steps to ensure future romantic encounters go as planned/fantasized
There. I'm feeling better about my lack of plans already. Now to put these into action. I'll be needing some sleep to do so, however. PROCRASTINATORS UNITE...TOMORROW!
Plans. We all have them. Why, even on this day of our nation's independence a fond 236 years ago, our forefathers surely had some plan of attack to overthrow their oppressors successfully. Why then, is it the case that I seemingly have no active blueprint, no premeditated, currently-scribed path of which to follow at this point? My summer has gone nothing like I had originally planned; everyone has been up to their agenda, I'm gig-deprived, and currently STILL unemployed. I didn't have any plans today, a day of merriment and pride in our country. In fact, I stayed inside and watched Star Wars on Spike all day long. (The tagline was "May the Fourth be with you," I couldn't resist.) It's high tide July and I'm not nearly anywhere I thought I'd be at this point. And I take full responsibility for the fact that the blame is all my own. I half-expected the summer to unfold easily, and for opportunities to just fall in my lap, but that's not the way the real world works. And the magnitude of that reality is hitting me full force.
In the meantime, while my nighttime perception is in overdrive, I might as well virtually write a tentative checklist of things to complete this summer and the following quarter:
-Instantiate an exercise regimen
-Seek and OBTAIN employment
-Practice my bass-playing
-Go to Otakon (awesome nerd convention in Maryland that really banks on me having a job by then)
-Undergo preliminary coding training, since I've missed out on so much in my absence, and I'm a complete scrub
-Make it to Shark Field Day in Camden, New Jersey with Emilia and the ladies
-Man up and take the necessary steps to ensure future romantic encounters go as planned/fantasized
There. I'm feeling better about my lack of plans already. Now to put these into action. I'll be needing some sleep to do so, however. PROCRASTINATORS UNITE...TOMORROW!
Monday, July 2, 2012
INVESTMENTS:
Investments. Be they a financial or emotional one, the outcome can either be plentiful or horrific. Today started with me investing a lot energy in searching for some part-time summer employment. I even donned a monkey suit...in 90 degree weather...in Brooklyn. I left the house, blue folder with 10 copies of my resume in hand, and went to about 12 different local businesses. NONE were hiring. I got about 9 "we'll get back to you" 's. Sigh. Had I invested energy sooner, I might actually could've been employed by now. I was rather disgruntled by my inability to snag something as trivial as a part-time summer job. My angst was palpable. I writhed in financial anguish for quite a few hours. By dinnertime, the Procreator dragged me to the mall to help lug home her assorted mall groceries. I actually didn't mind, because I love the atmosphere of the mall. What did mind was her INCESSANT droning on with questions and comments that only she cares about. Y'know, there's a difference between a conversation and you thinking out loud - a conversation involves TWO people mutually exchanging words. No social contract states that I'm obliged to listen and/or respond to you verbalizing your trivial thoughts. I digress. Back to the story. So we settled on eating at Target for dinner, where the tables were all conjoined, so you're always sitting next to a stranger. Oddly enough, I just so happened to be seated next to a trio of millionaires. I kid you not. Sophie, Gloria, and Joan, the proud owners of a hefty $142 million for investing in coffee stock. They were cultural and behavioral anthropologists who had noticed that coffee is the second-most desired substance on the planet besides oil. And since their initial investment in September, the trio has been on an uphill financial climb.
They followed up the initial discussion with some wise advice on my job hunting. (Direct quote from Gloria) "If you invest effort, you will reap the rewards." I smiled because I saw what she had done there. But even out of context, it was still good advice. That what was missing from my life - a sense of investment. If I confided in the idea of investing effort enough, surely something as menial as a summer job would be all but mine. I couldn't help but think of placing this advice in a more romantic context. I've already invested so much emotion with Her, but I hadn't invested enough effort. She's always so hard to get a hold of. She sporadically comments on things, (she has some cute phrases that make me swoon, not to mention she uses terms of endearment that make me melt a little) only to disappear shortly after. As soon as I manned up and decided to initiate a conversation, (Lord knows about what though, I would've frozen after a simple "hello") I'm informed that she is no longer online *allows a singular manly tear to roll down his right cheek* As far as personal experience goes, it seems that she might like me...I pray. It would just kinda really bum me out to see her in anybody else's arms. Most other guys find her attractive because of her physical attributes; those are absolutely secondary to me. Her personality goes above and beyond what I could want. When I think up the perfect girl for me, she still doesn't hold a candle to Her. It's my hope that if I put my effort forth that she will reciprocate my feelings for her. Now that's a worthy investment if ever there were one.
Investments. Be they a financial or emotional one, the outcome can either be plentiful or horrific. Today started with me investing a lot energy in searching for some part-time summer employment. I even donned a monkey suit...in 90 degree weather...in Brooklyn. I left the house, blue folder with 10 copies of my resume in hand, and went to about 12 different local businesses. NONE were hiring. I got about 9 "we'll get back to you" 's. Sigh. Had I invested energy sooner, I might actually could've been employed by now. I was rather disgruntled by my inability to snag something as trivial as a part-time summer job. My angst was palpable. I writhed in financial anguish for quite a few hours. By dinnertime, the Procreator dragged me to the mall to help lug home her assorted mall groceries. I actually didn't mind, because I love the atmosphere of the mall. What did mind was her INCESSANT droning on with questions and comments that only she cares about. Y'know, there's a difference between a conversation and you thinking out loud - a conversation involves TWO people mutually exchanging words. No social contract states that I'm obliged to listen and/or respond to you verbalizing your trivial thoughts. I digress. Back to the story. So we settled on eating at Target for dinner, where the tables were all conjoined, so you're always sitting next to a stranger. Oddly enough, I just so happened to be seated next to a trio of millionaires. I kid you not. Sophie, Gloria, and Joan, the proud owners of a hefty $142 million for investing in coffee stock. They were cultural and behavioral anthropologists who had noticed that coffee is the second-most desired substance on the planet besides oil. And since their initial investment in September, the trio has been on an uphill financial climb.
They followed up the initial discussion with some wise advice on my job hunting. (Direct quote from Gloria) "If you invest effort, you will reap the rewards." I smiled because I saw what she had done there. But even out of context, it was still good advice. That what was missing from my life - a sense of investment. If I confided in the idea of investing effort enough, surely something as menial as a summer job would be all but mine. I couldn't help but think of placing this advice in a more romantic context. I've already invested so much emotion with Her, but I hadn't invested enough effort. She's always so hard to get a hold of. She sporadically comments on things, (she has some cute phrases that make me swoon, not to mention she uses terms of endearment that make me melt a little) only to disappear shortly after. As soon as I manned up and decided to initiate a conversation, (Lord knows about what though, I would've frozen after a simple "hello") I'm informed that she is no longer online *allows a singular manly tear to roll down his right cheek* As far as personal experience goes, it seems that she might like me...I pray. It would just kinda really bum me out to see her in anybody else's arms. Most other guys find her attractive because of her physical attributes; those are absolutely secondary to me. Her personality goes above and beyond what I could want. When I think up the perfect girl for me, she still doesn't hold a candle to Her. It's my hope that if I put my effort forth that she will reciprocate my feelings for her. Now that's a worthy investment if ever there were one.
OBSCURITY:
An odd encounter with a one-hit wonder today made me muse about obscurity. While on my usual route to go pick up Chinese, (because the Procreator can't do it herself) I spotted a surprisingly familiar face when I walked inside the store. I was face-to-face with Lil Mama, current America's Best Dance Crew panel judge, and the face behind the 2007 overnight sensation "Lipgloss." Her song fit in perfectly with the zeitgeist of the late 2000's. We were getting into the era of writing obscure (there goes that word) songs about anything, and she had capitalized on that aspect. We chatted for a bit, and she was flattered that I remembered her, even as a one-hit wonder. Apparently, she fell off the charts when she upstaged Jay-Z during a live performance, and the world has forgotten of her musical existence since. She mentioned that she was hard at work looking for someone to bring her back into the spotlight. Seeing her in those brief moments gave me the instant sensation of "Oh, yeah! I totally remember when you used to be relevant." Then the downward spiral occurred. Fame is fleeting, ladies and gents.
And it got me thinking, why is it that our culture is so prone to obscurity? We criticize and scorn people with the utmost scrutiny for a single slip-up that seals their entire fate. People, songs, hard-hitting issues - why do they all vanish into the notorious fog of obscurity? After due consideration, I have but one answer to offer: our culture thrives on ephemerality; we get this unwarranted kick from the latest fad, trend, or entity that is "in," only to swap said fad with the next up-and-coming trend. This is what I like to call "The Assembly Line Syndrome." We take the entity, spend a few fond moments with it, then part ways for another entity. Let's look at a few examples, shall we?
-Boy Bands/Pop Stars
Ugh. The very premise of their fame rests on ephemrality. Painfully so. In a day and age where I assumed boy bands were dead, they just spawn overnight with a different set of faces. That goes for Pop Stars, too. Their foundations just SCREAM for obscurity. They're perfect material for celebrity nostalgia shows like "Where Are They Now?" *cough* Justin Bieber and One Direction *cough* Sure, they're in the prime of their youth and looking spiffy NOW, but just wait. Give it ten years, minimum. There's a few options for the roads they could head down:
-Completely bankrupt
-Chronic drug addict who sneaks into their local Wendy's just to steal packets of salt that they can cut up into lines and snort because they can't afford anything legitimate.
-Current or recovering alcoholic
-All of the above
Because you don't hear of a successful former boy band member who is happily sane, sitting on a respectable amount of income. It just doesn't happen. It's the price of the tainted fame they initially signed up for.
Another example:
-Silly Bands
Let's think back two years to a time where a nonsensical man made millions overnight for his invention of Silly Bands, zany bracelets with unusual designs. The fad swept the nation and middle schoolers and high schoolers ate it up like a well-prepared meringue. They were the hottest thing on the street until the kids realized just how easily they could break, and like that, the overnight sensation had come to a close.
A closing example of a hard-hitting issue that's fading into obscurity:
-Kony 2012
Hey, remember back a few months when all of your friends on Facebook had suddenly become cosmopolitan social activists who hoped to strike down Joseph Kony with their virtual hammers? Yeah, what happened to THAT? Just like most reform notions, if you lose momentum, the snowball will stop all at once, or fall completely downhill in a Sisyphean fashion. Lord knows the actual CURRENT state of the Ugandan public.
Perhaps it's the case that as preserved as these words are, they're just as futile. Whose to say my words won't fade to obscurity just like all the rest has? If so, I'll persist with the thought of this being my fifteen minutes of fame.
An odd encounter with a one-hit wonder today made me muse about obscurity. While on my usual route to go pick up Chinese, (because the Procreator can't do it herself) I spotted a surprisingly familiar face when I walked inside the store. I was face-to-face with Lil Mama, current America's Best Dance Crew panel judge, and the face behind the 2007 overnight sensation "Lipgloss." Her song fit in perfectly with the zeitgeist of the late 2000's. We were getting into the era of writing obscure (there goes that word) songs about anything, and she had capitalized on that aspect. We chatted for a bit, and she was flattered that I remembered her, even as a one-hit wonder. Apparently, she fell off the charts when she upstaged Jay-Z during a live performance, and the world has forgotten of her musical existence since. She mentioned that she was hard at work looking for someone to bring her back into the spotlight. Seeing her in those brief moments gave me the instant sensation of "Oh, yeah! I totally remember when you used to be relevant." Then the downward spiral occurred. Fame is fleeting, ladies and gents.
And it got me thinking, why is it that our culture is so prone to obscurity? We criticize and scorn people with the utmost scrutiny for a single slip-up that seals their entire fate. People, songs, hard-hitting issues - why do they all vanish into the notorious fog of obscurity? After due consideration, I have but one answer to offer: our culture thrives on ephemerality; we get this unwarranted kick from the latest fad, trend, or entity that is "in," only to swap said fad with the next up-and-coming trend. This is what I like to call "The Assembly Line Syndrome." We take the entity, spend a few fond moments with it, then part ways for another entity. Let's look at a few examples, shall we?
-Boy Bands/Pop Stars
Ugh. The very premise of their fame rests on ephemrality. Painfully so. In a day and age where I assumed boy bands were dead, they just spawn overnight with a different set of faces. That goes for Pop Stars, too. Their foundations just SCREAM for obscurity. They're perfect material for celebrity nostalgia shows like "Where Are They Now?" *cough* Justin Bieber and One Direction *cough* Sure, they're in the prime of their youth and looking spiffy NOW, but just wait. Give it ten years, minimum. There's a few options for the roads they could head down:
-Completely bankrupt
-Chronic drug addict who sneaks into their local Wendy's just to steal packets of salt that they can cut up into lines and snort because they can't afford anything legitimate.
-Current or recovering alcoholic
-All of the above
Because you don't hear of a successful former boy band member who is happily sane, sitting on a respectable amount of income. It just doesn't happen. It's the price of the tainted fame they initially signed up for.
Another example:
-Silly Bands
Let's think back two years to a time where a nonsensical man made millions overnight for his invention of Silly Bands, zany bracelets with unusual designs. The fad swept the nation and middle schoolers and high schoolers ate it up like a well-prepared meringue. They were the hottest thing on the street until the kids realized just how easily they could break, and like that, the overnight sensation had come to a close.
A closing example of a hard-hitting issue that's fading into obscurity:
-Kony 2012
Hey, remember back a few months when all of your friends on Facebook had suddenly become cosmopolitan social activists who hoped to strike down Joseph Kony with their virtual hammers? Yeah, what happened to THAT? Just like most reform notions, if you lose momentum, the snowball will stop all at once, or fall completely downhill in a Sisyphean fashion. Lord knows the actual CURRENT state of the Ugandan public.
Perhaps it's the case that as preserved as these words are, they're just as futile. Whose to say my words won't fade to obscurity just like all the rest has? If so, I'll persist with the thought of this being my fifteen minutes of fame.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
CONSISTENCY
(Before I begin, I'd like to dedicate these words -yes, ALL of them - to euphoric_mania, the one who managed to get me out of this rut of inconsistency.)
Oh, hey there, blogosphere. Miss me? I sure missed you. A swift kick of irony to the gonads came in the form of my realization that the last rant I had was about my 2-month hiatus...and here I am again...back from ANOTHER 2-month hiatus. And that's the topic of the night - consistency; the ability to continually pursue a goal or idea. I'll be the first to admit that my consistency has been beaten to a pulp worse than Rihanna was by Chris Brown *studio gasp, then studio applause and laughter* (excuse me for namedropping, just trying to drive home a point). Basically, my flimflammery and inconsistent short bursts of passion have been my downfall in the past two months and currently in the present. Let's break it down in the form of a list, so the folks at home can digest this slowly *audience snickers* :
INCONSISTENCY LIST:
1. BLOGGING
2. EMPLOYMENT
3. RELIGION
4. ROMANCE
5. FAMILIAL ROLES
See? Wasn't that comprehensive, informative, and altogether a lot easier to take in all at once? *studio murmurs* Settle down, settle down. Let's get into these topics with a bit more detail, shall we? Now for my serious voice that you can easily denote by the italics. So, List Item #1: Blogging. Well, if you didn't read the first paragraph by now, I suggest you do so. *throws cue card aside, disdainfully* Item # 2: Employment. OOH, here's a sticky one. So as it turns out, being a 19 year-old male in New York City during the summertime means you have a very slim chance of procuring a job of your own. Maybe I'm just the outlier in this situation, but nonetheless, I've reaped no rewards of employment from the seeds that I've sown so far. Guess why that is? *audience yells out "Why's that, Jay?" in unison* BECAUSE OF MY LACK OF CONSISTENCY. See? I managed to bring the topic full circle. My indifference and downright lack of effort to find a job have all but prevented me from securing one by now. But fret not, I've recently given myself a very stern talking to, and it's all still a work in progress. Fingers crossed on that one.
Item #3: Religion. Sticky, sticky, sticky sitch we've got going on here, ladies and germs. I won't get into this one completely, as I do intend to use it as a later jump-off point for a future late-night, oxygen-intoxicated rant, but what I can say is that I've been inconsistent about my faith, but I'm slowly on a road to recovery. Item #4: Romance. *audience "OOOOOOH" 's* Admittedly, this is where I often fall short and flop like a trout. I, a man who I believe is one of much romantic passion and fervor, am inconsistent to my pursuits because I overanalyze, look for flaws, or outright just catch cold feet (mostly the latter). And for once in my life, I think the availability of options has led to my analysis paralysis. There are actually females (yes, plural) who might be able to fit the mold of someone with whom I could share a special bond. And to be impartial, I feel like I might be sending a few of them the wrong messages with some of my gestures and my natural knack for speaking kindly.
As of the very moment I am typing this finally-consistent smattering of words via my stream of consciousness, if you were to ask me who I wish my heart belonged to, only one face comes to mind.
The very same face I hope to pursue when the Fall Quarter commences. Sometimes I hate that I have this overdependency with love; I don't want it to define me, but I haven't gotten sleep in days because I lay awake and imagine these grandiose romantic situations, and they only end up making me want romance more. I suppose the smart thing to do is let time and "fate" sort it out (note my use quotation marks).
And lastly, we have Item #5: Familial Roles. As insufferable as the Procreator is, and is bitter as it is to have these words escape my virtual mouth, I am also to blame for my current standing as a son. I've made promises to try to work WITH her, rather than against her, and *chokes back words* as hard it is to admit, even though she has been inconsistent with holding up the end of her bargain, that doesn't give me an excuse to do the same. I know things will never be ideal between us, but that doesn't mean things can't be a little more TOLERABLE, right? RIGHT? Ugh. I'll sleep on that one.
And in lieu of this newfound drive to be consistent, I hope to inform you folks in a more consist manner. But for now, I have some Z's to collect.
(Before I begin, I'd like to dedicate these words -yes, ALL of them - to euphoric_mania, the one who managed to get me out of this rut of inconsistency.)
Oh, hey there, blogosphere. Miss me? I sure missed you. A swift kick of irony to the gonads came in the form of my realization that the last rant I had was about my 2-month hiatus...and here I am again...back from ANOTHER 2-month hiatus. And that's the topic of the night - consistency; the ability to continually pursue a goal or idea. I'll be the first to admit that my consistency has been beaten to a pulp worse than Rihanna was by Chris Brown *studio gasp, then studio applause and laughter* (excuse me for namedropping, just trying to drive home a point). Basically, my flimflammery and inconsistent short bursts of passion have been my downfall in the past two months and currently in the present. Let's break it down in the form of a list, so the folks at home can digest this slowly *audience snickers* :
INCONSISTENCY LIST:
1. BLOGGING
2. EMPLOYMENT
3. RELIGION
4. ROMANCE
5. FAMILIAL ROLES
See? Wasn't that comprehensive, informative, and altogether a lot easier to take in all at once? *studio murmurs* Settle down, settle down. Let's get into these topics with a bit more detail, shall we? Now for my serious voice that you can easily denote by the italics. So, List Item #1: Blogging. Well, if you didn't read the first paragraph by now, I suggest you do so. *throws cue card aside, disdainfully* Item # 2: Employment. OOH, here's a sticky one. So as it turns out, being a 19 year-old male in New York City during the summertime means you have a very slim chance of procuring a job of your own. Maybe I'm just the outlier in this situation, but nonetheless, I've reaped no rewards of employment from the seeds that I've sown so far. Guess why that is? *audience yells out "Why's that, Jay?" in unison* BECAUSE OF MY LACK OF CONSISTENCY. See? I managed to bring the topic full circle. My indifference and downright lack of effort to find a job have all but prevented me from securing one by now. But fret not, I've recently given myself a very stern talking to, and it's all still a work in progress. Fingers crossed on that one.
Item #3: Religion. Sticky, sticky, sticky sitch we've got going on here, ladies and germs. I won't get into this one completely, as I do intend to use it as a later jump-off point for a future late-night, oxygen-intoxicated rant, but what I can say is that I've been inconsistent about my faith, but I'm slowly on a road to recovery. Item #4: Romance. *audience "OOOOOOH" 's* Admittedly, this is where I often fall short and flop like a trout. I, a man who I believe is one of much romantic passion and fervor, am inconsistent to my pursuits because I overanalyze, look for flaws, or outright just catch cold feet (mostly the latter). And for once in my life, I think the availability of options has led to my analysis paralysis. There are actually females (yes, plural) who might be able to fit the mold of someone with whom I could share a special bond. And to be impartial, I feel like I might be sending a few of them the wrong messages with some of my gestures and my natural knack for speaking kindly.
As of the very moment I am typing this finally-consistent smattering of words via my stream of consciousness, if you were to ask me who I wish my heart belonged to, only one face comes to mind.
The very same face I hope to pursue when the Fall Quarter commences. Sometimes I hate that I have this overdependency with love; I don't want it to define me, but I haven't gotten sleep in days because I lay awake and imagine these grandiose romantic situations, and they only end up making me want romance more. I suppose the smart thing to do is let time and "fate" sort it out (note my use quotation marks).
And lastly, we have Item #5: Familial Roles. As insufferable as the Procreator is, and is bitter as it is to have these words escape my virtual mouth, I am also to blame for my current standing as a son. I've made promises to try to work WITH her, rather than against her, and *chokes back words* as hard it is to admit, even though she has been inconsistent with holding up the end of her bargain, that doesn't give me an excuse to do the same. I know things will never be ideal between us, but that doesn't mean things can't be a little more TOLERABLE, right? RIGHT? Ugh. I'll sleep on that one.
And in lieu of this newfound drive to be consistent, I hope to inform you folks in a more consist manner. But for now, I have some Z's to collect.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
HIATUS:
Oh, that's right... I HAVE A BLOG. I suppose shirking my responsibilities is understandable to a certain extent, but in this day and age, a 2 month hiatus is almost unimaginable. I could take this time to voice the fact that I have a plethora of words to depict each and every passing day that I have failed to vibrantly smatter words in a loosely-defined "concise", "cohesive" manner, but I suppose I'll be "brief" enough to the point where I only mention the "noteworthy" (do you see a pattern here?) ongoings of my current life situation. Aside from the immediate fact that I'm back in the City of Bears and Bricks, nothing dazzling has currently gone down. All the staples of my social circle are back in my life and I am infinitely grateful, although a few are going through some character arcs that either interest me or raise my eyebrow strongly. There are others who I legitimately have absolutely no problem with them staying exactly the way they are.
A few new characters have worked their ways into my life, and it is easily for the better. My Indie scene circle has vastly expanded since befriending Emilia. She has SUCH wonderful friends, amongst the female portion of whom are all incredibly gorgeous and personable. I was just recently back in the city to see The Static Jacks for the TENTH TIME live, opening for The Wombats. Needless to say, (<-- odd cliche that I will obviously disregard and voice anyway) my face melted in a multitude of ways and I was able to quickly bond with Emilia's posse, all of whom I thoroughly enjoy for an extended list of reasons. Academically, I'm doing well. Not exceptional. Well. I suppose my determination has diluted into a mere state of coasting. I fear that this may become a habit, to which I say, I will rectify immediately. Socially, my circle is still ever-expanding. I'm at the point where in a room of 20 people, I will know of 13 people directly, 5 indirectly, and have the remaining 2 factored in as strangers. My Psych and Communications classes have rekindled my suppressed spark to test the social fabric of my surroundings and peers. Fret not, for I have bought a tally counter and primary sample runs are in progress (I'll get more into this at a later point). Romantically, my crosshairs have realigned quite a bit. I gave up a recent pursuit due to numerous complications and general bad timing and indecisiveness, which, ironically, I've quickly grown okay with the idea of. My trigger-happy fingers are studying a potential target as of the moment who just recently burst into the scene of my life. I have no gripes as of yet, but these remain inconclusive for the time being. All in all, and perhaps most pressingly, I've been fixated on the idea of dedicating my entire summer to nightlife recreation for a change, as I can legitimately say that I have not had a SINGLE summer that I can truly say I enjoyed...which I find awfully depressing. I mean, I DESERVE to have fun, right? I'm in the prime of my youth and I'll spend my daytime hours working a minimum wage job. A worthy trade-off, I would say. I haven't fully wrapped my head around the idea of being under the subjugation that ensues whilst living under the Procreator's roof, but for now, I'll blissfully, ignorantly turn a blind eye to that. More developments are surely to come. Godspeed, Summer. Get here soon.
Oh, that's right... I HAVE A BLOG. I suppose shirking my responsibilities is understandable to a certain extent, but in this day and age, a 2 month hiatus is almost unimaginable. I could take this time to voice the fact that I have a plethora of words to depict each and every passing day that I have failed to vibrantly smatter words in a loosely-defined "concise", "cohesive" manner, but I suppose I'll be "brief" enough to the point where I only mention the "noteworthy" (do you see a pattern here?) ongoings of my current life situation. Aside from the immediate fact that I'm back in the City of Bears and Bricks, nothing dazzling has currently gone down. All the staples of my social circle are back in my life and I am infinitely grateful, although a few are going through some character arcs that either interest me or raise my eyebrow strongly. There are others who I legitimately have absolutely no problem with them staying exactly the way they are.
A few new characters have worked their ways into my life, and it is easily for the better. My Indie scene circle has vastly expanded since befriending Emilia. She has SUCH wonderful friends, amongst the female portion of whom are all incredibly gorgeous and personable. I was just recently back in the city to see The Static Jacks for the TENTH TIME live, opening for The Wombats. Needless to say, (<-- odd cliche that I will obviously disregard and voice anyway) my face melted in a multitude of ways and I was able to quickly bond with Emilia's posse, all of whom I thoroughly enjoy for an extended list of reasons. Academically, I'm doing well. Not exceptional. Well. I suppose my determination has diluted into a mere state of coasting. I fear that this may become a habit, to which I say, I will rectify immediately. Socially, my circle is still ever-expanding. I'm at the point where in a room of 20 people, I will know of 13 people directly, 5 indirectly, and have the remaining 2 factored in as strangers. My Psych and Communications classes have rekindled my suppressed spark to test the social fabric of my surroundings and peers. Fret not, for I have bought a tally counter and primary sample runs are in progress (I'll get more into this at a later point). Romantically, my crosshairs have realigned quite a bit. I gave up a recent pursuit due to numerous complications and general bad timing and indecisiveness, which, ironically, I've quickly grown okay with the idea of. My trigger-happy fingers are studying a potential target as of the moment who just recently burst into the scene of my life. I have no gripes as of yet, but these remain inconclusive for the time being. All in all, and perhaps most pressingly, I've been fixated on the idea of dedicating my entire summer to nightlife recreation for a change, as I can legitimately say that I have not had a SINGLE summer that I can truly say I enjoyed...which I find awfully depressing. I mean, I DESERVE to have fun, right? I'm in the prime of my youth and I'll spend my daytime hours working a minimum wage job. A worthy trade-off, I would say. I haven't fully wrapped my head around the idea of being under the subjugation that ensues whilst living under the Procreator's roof, but for now, I'll blissfully, ignorantly turn a blind eye to that. More developments are surely to come. Godspeed, Summer. Get here soon.
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